Fuck Fuckidy Fuck FUCK….this hurts…my pride is bruised…my heart is sad, my soul rejected, and my mind knows better…you see I am an adult…you show a kid a bag of candy and toys they will cry and whine until they get what they want…but as you grow up and mature you learn that life is not perfect…you can want something more than anyone else, you can deserve something more than anyone else you can earn something more than anyone else, but that doesn’t mean you will get it…and as a mature adult you don’t waste time moping or pouting or complaining about the things you cant have…that is just wasted energy….you learn to move on and accept…you learn to focus on the better things in life and drive yourself to improve yourself and the things you can control…
All my life the only thing I ever wanted most was to be loved, accepted for who I am, to be trusted, for someone to have faith in me, to want to be with me, to want to take the time to talk with me and listen to me, someone to ask me about the things I care about…growing up neglected has left me damaged and hard to love, because I don’t think anyone is sincere in their feelings for me…and at this point in my life I have no reason to change that belief…
It is time to stop being stupid, to stop thinking Anna cares about me at all….to stop thinking we could be friends….i care about her…I fell in love for a reason….and for those reasons I wanted to keep in touch with her, because she interests me….i am fond of her…and that wont change….but as an adult…even though I want something, anything…I cant make that happen, there is nothing I can do, I don’t know what I could try or say or do…I guess she was just being polite…that only hurts more…like being lied to….
Back to forgetting about her…to focusing on the better things in life….to not writing here anymore…because it is here that I get taking advantage of….goodbye again.
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