something is better than nothing but nothing beets the real thing...

There is nothing here I have to say….no words here I have to write…no sentences left for me to put together…I am empty….more so I am at an end….I am traveling in the dark no wind on my face but its cold as shit…it feels like all things are at zero…I have tones of energy burning in my pocket…and a passion for things waiting to fuel the fire…and there I am a kid in a blind fold with a donkey tail in my hand but I hear nothing…I am on an island in the middle of nowhere, and so I built a bridge, but it doesn’t connect to me…arms out stretched reaching for anything to grab onto to lead me my way, but I lost trust and hope, I have no faith that I am not just walking in circles, that I will find that jack ass or pin that fucking tail…but I refuse to stand still…I trip I fall I stumble and hurt myself over and over again, but I have to keep going…my heart has a huge hole in it, its been beaten and abused and I wear it on my sleeve, I put it out there like a glass slipper, and its my soul that rides around slipper in hand searching peoples eyes like doors to their souls…my mind is tired, tired of caring what you think, tired of riding around in the dark…tired of all the talk and disappointment…so there it is, in this place again…

here is to tomorrow

So Saturday night sucked…I ended up at some shity bar in the richmond and then I locked myself out of my house…and no one was home…I had my work keys and thinking eventually one of my roommates would get home soon I went to my work to be warm take a piss and wait…the cleaning crew was there all night long blasting some shity ass music and gossiping all night…so im sitting out there in the lounge trying to sleep and waiting for someone to call me back and I got nothing until noon the next day…it fucking sucked…so eventually I get in my bed and try to sleep...lord of the rings was on and so was star wars…so I was going back and forth napping here and there all evening until I get a buzz to head out to the bar…so I am hoping to have a good night to make up for last night and on the way there I get kicked in the gut…not literally but that’s what it felt like…so I am at the bar and I cant shake it…I hate how I cant control my emotions sometimes…I am in love with a girl who doesn’t want me…and my friends are making me talk about it and that just makes it all worse…I appreciate the support but I need distractions…the best thing for me is to try to fill my life with other things, other thoughts…so the night sucked…I am sober…my heart hurts…I am hungry but have no fucking appetite…i just want to crawl in bed and cuddle…but instead I will probably be up all night writing, thinking, fighting the urge to text everyone…I am sorry friends for that…you are filling a void for me…one of the things I miss most…talking so much she had to change phone plans…maybe that’s why I keep blogging…so much to say and no one up to say it to…I got to go…