Thursday, June 30, 2011

Is this you?

according to chemistry.com this is what i like....i agree.


Personality Type: Director/Explorer

About your personality type:

You seek challenges. You are a tough-minded, independent thinker who likes to explore ideas or problems thoroughly. You focus easily. And you are systematic and exacting in pursuing your interests and goals. You are also assertive. You have a lot of energy. You think quickly, make decisions faster than most, and take an analytical approach to people, issues and ideas.

You are not conventional in your attitudes or values. Autonomy is essential to you. You do not follow the rules unless the rules are logical and useful. Nor do you unreservedly respect authority. Instead, you tend to be skeptical, irreverent and pragmatic. And you are comfortable working or pursuing your hobbies alone.

Yet you have a wild side. You are daring; you like novel ideas and new adventures. You are not interested in maintaining routine social engagements either, and you can't tolerate "small talk." Instead, you make a few very close friends, particularly with individuals who share your interests.

Director primary traits:

Decisive
Focused
Analytical
Logical
Competitive
Self-Disciplined
Independent

Explorer secondary traits:

Novelty Seeking
Impulsive and Spontaneous
Curious
Creative
Flexible
Open-Minded
Energetic


In love and relationships:

As a Director you seek someone who is self-sufficient and enjoys time alone. You also like a partner who is imaginative and intuitive and not competitive with you. And because you can be oblivious to rules and schedules, your partner must be flexible. For you, sex is woven with subtleties and symbolism and you like a mate who finds intimacy in this unspoken psychological journey. To balance your direct style and tendency to make up your mind quickly, you gravitate to a mate with good social skills--someone who weighs alternatives carefully, listens actively and handles conflict with nuanced grace. And because you tend to hide your emotions, you often seek someone who is emotionally expressive. You also like someone who is spontaneous, even mischievous, as well as a mate who can appreciate your rugged individualism and support of your drive to succeed.

Relating to others:

You are direct and informed; and you gravitate to men and women who are intellectually exciting and like to discuss topics broadly and thoroughly. Because you are curious, creative, ambitious, hard working and unconventional in your attitudes and values, your friends admire you. In return you are fiercely loyal to those you love.

Things to be aware of:

You are susceptible to intense anger when you feel hurt, disappointed or frustrated.
Your ambition can lead to workaholism.
You can lack self-reflection.

chem said this is me...

About your personality

You see the big picture. You easily take the broad, long view of almost any topic. You are comfortable juggling myriad facts. You tend to synthesize material easily and think in webs of factors, not straight lines. You are imaginative and enjoy ideas.

You are also socially savvy. You are good at both talking and listening. And you generally read people's faces, body postures and tone of voice accurately, so you often intuitively understand what people want and need.

You are also highly compassionate. You care deeply about others. So you are inclined to make personal sacrifices to be a supportive friend and colleague. And you are idealistic and altruistic; you like to work to improve the world.

And you have an adventurous side; you enjoy new ideas and novel experiences and you want to share these with an enthusiastic partner. But you are particularly fond of people who are direct, decisive, focused and tough-minded, people who complement your more flexible, agreeable and affable style.


Relating to others

As a Negotiator, you seek a spiritual, life long connection to a "true love". But you don?t want someone who is emotionally dependent. You admire people who need a good deal of autonomy. Marriage is important to you; but the social pledge of matrimony is far less sacred than the personal commitment you privately make to your beloved. You strive for harmony in your primary relationship. So you express your love regularly - with hugs, thoughtful presents, romantic weekends or by creating other special times together.

And you want a mate who is daring, playful and adventurous, yet one who will balance you - someone who is calm, decisive, strong-willed, focused and supportive of your enthusiastic, caring and imaginative spirit.

In love and relationships

You dislike conflict. You seek "win-win" solutions. You are good at sharing power and ideas. And you are a master at the art of intimacy - building deep and exciting relationships with others. Nevertheless, you often enjoy solitude or intense interactions with just one individual or a few close friends. And you particularly enjoy people who like to play with abstract theories and ideas, provide insights, search for symbolic meanings in life and relationships and have a broad interest in the world.


With Negotiator as your primary type, you can be:

  • Good at seeing the big picture
  • Empathetic
  • Imaginative
  • Trusting
  • Intuitive
  • Introspective
  • Skilled verbally

With Explorer as your secondary type, you can be:

  • Novelty seeking
  • Flexible
  • Impulsive and spontaneous
  • Open-Minded
  • Curious
  • Energetic
  • Creative

shot in the dark....

I so want to say hello...but I know how pain works...so I must keep my distance so the hurt will go away...and all that is between us is fond memories and cold friendship...but right now I am setting her free...but I would rather say hello and text all night then talk later then dream of her...when the pain hate and hurt has passed then maybe we can be friends...then who knows what will happen....or...its her move....
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Just got off work...listening to metal played very loud at a new place I've never been to...its nice and cozy and awesome...I love metal...I've missed it so...music is a place love has no say...I need it more than love at times...
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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

my Hearts msg to Love...whoever you are...

i really wish i could see what u see...i wish could unlearn this bull shit...pride was fun...but now i want more...give me the truth like u see it...tell me the names u have been calling me...love me hate me give me take me...quit looking for an answer without asking the question...i am here waiting for you to have the guts...if u want me to show up at your door step i need a reason...i feel betrayed...i lost trust...if u want to fight like lustful lovers lost in passion...that is just as easy...there will always be that one thing and we will never be able to change it...and someday it wont matter...until then i like to enjoy what i have...


if i only knew then what i know now.

I like to dream we r still in love...it was a happy place...but the endorphins have dried up the lust is gone the attraction is lost...it is easy to hate...as intense the love was the withdrawal is painful and grows the hate...but I've been here before...and this is like a small sprinkle in my world of storms....I understand as always...I do like the dream....but reality is too real...I am deserving better...I have lots to learn...wisdom always trumps...I don't hate...I like to dream...
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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

hello beautiful....i run with lions...

Ha ha...if feel like I've been challenged...except its like when a kid argues with u that drinking is bad...or a virgin tells u they r waitin for marriage...you can't argue against it but you know that there is a balance in everything...and unless u have had that epiphany and have learned that lesson, u will never understand....I know I am unfinished...I am growing and learning everyday...I am like I was but better...I hope u never stay the same.
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Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again.
Vincent Van Gogh

Monday, June 27, 2011

you should read this...


I found this book and i think i need it...maybe it will help...truth is i fucked up my last relationship because i was an idiot afraid of how much i loved her...so i pushed her away and became an ass...oh well, check this out too http://blog.betterworldbooks.com/wp-content/uploads/HelenFisher2909.mp3

mistakes have been made...thank god for forgivness...

Unrequited love is foolish...i am wondering around like a zombie again...this pride has been amazing and very fun this year and strange...not over yet though one more night to see what happens...

In a dream...i would be there with you...
always. XOXO

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Oh Pink Saturday

There is my house...at one point there was three sets of boobs and one ass hanging out of those windows...it was a crazy evening...no party at the house this year but just a few crazy kids...I passed out early this year...I have been working a lot and drinkink a lot and I think it all cought up with me...but now I am up way tooo early...I think I will turn on my skype...I would love to chat with Swedon...doubtful though...
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Saturday, June 25, 2011

and so the day bagins...

This is my 6th pride while living in the castro...can't believe it has been so long...next month it will be 9 yrs ago I moved to SF...I do love this city...and the stro...people have invaded my hood today...the sidewalks are packed the restaurants all have waits and the bars are busy...mmm breakfast arrived.
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good ideas abound...

I want to be angry...just can't do it...too damn forgiving...I hate when u see someone cute but ur in sweaty stinky work clothes, tired and lookin like it....but whatever...I am looking for someone specific and she will see me first anyway...the best thing about what I do is I get to meet lots of people...girls speficly...and I get hit on a lot at work...it always feels good....especially tonight.
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happy pride!

Ahhh...done with work....its pride weekend here...very crazy in my hood...hundres of thiusands of people all on my block, to party...lots of straight girls too...my sixth pride in the stro...I will call it now publicly...this will be the first year I don't get laid...I hope to have fun though...
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Friday, June 24, 2011

i feel like flying today...

I like writing...I text things to myself often ...little notes here or there...I use the note pad on my phone a lot...I usually cary a pen n paper with me....I also blog...and facebook...when I have a girl friend I write poems and dreams...I write about sweden still but not so often...I don't like being misunderstood...I like to explain things out a lot...it helps to figure shit out....like this concept of change and comprimise...I can't figure out how to express it properly...like everything else it takes balance which u learn from expieience and then when u know...u just know...like learning how to walk...
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well hello there...whoever u r....

I hope u r having a great day...my day is filled with caipirinhas and mojitos...I could go on n on about work but I care very little for it...I just bought a synth...it arrives n a week and I am very excited about it...I have wanted one for years....I have tones of songs in my head I want to release...I imagine a day when i can sit around n make stupid fun songs with my love all day...or....so maybe soon i will tell you a story...I have one brewing inside me...I have lots inside me these days...I wonder why sweden doesn't want to be my friend? She probably found out I am a spider monkey.
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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Wtf...soo much feeling running through me...love, lust, hate, envy, vanity, pride, despair, joy, and whatever more...not to be an ass but there is this weird something I get from sweden...I forgot it for a moment...drunk passion is oviouse but today has been a joy...for one reason...I am ready for what life has to give me next...but she makes me happy...wish I knew why...
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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

AHHHHHHHH hahahahahahahahahahah...FUCK!

OK i am stupid!
for some stupid reason i thought Sweden didnt get my texts...so i sent her some random thoughts...one was "I love you" fallowed by "but you hate me, i suck" kind of thing...
then the next morning i send like a "i am sober now its all good text"
OMG that realy bites...she must think i am crazy...
then last night i send a drunken rant...
and she got it all...that's my life right now...

good morning! I am up early...

so now i have to figure out what to do with this time before work...
i miss having a girlfriend...a partner to go on adventures with...
i love my friends but they mostly sit in bars and drink...
BTW i was a bit salty last night...that last post might have been a bit too much...
Europeans may be snobbish but i talk about them cuz thats where i am thinking of moving to...
Europe has a lot to offer and maybe a better place for me to live...
Europeans have a lot of culture, San Franciscins are a bunch of sluts...
SF might actually be the place for me now though...
i could go for a just for sex relationship right now...
my heart needs a break from the stress of Love...

not really the point...

ok so i am over SF...but i want to say it will take somthing fuckng super bad ass and awesome to take me away from here...where else can u find the deversity the fun the love and caring the crazy and determined...those who stay here are strong and willing...we work hard and earn our stay...the US is still the largest economy in the world, as much as the European union wants to shove its snobbishness better than u attitude down our throats we still rule, and california is king of the US and San francisco kicks LAs bitchy ass....so where would i rather live...we have great chefs, great artists, great people, great weather...anyway...i am all about exploring and finding out..i would love to find somewhere i fit in...

repeat what i just said...

ok my phone sucks...i wrote a post n it got lost...
so now i am writibg this shit...
i want to roll down a grassy hill....
the sprinklers at deloris go off soon...
lets go run through the sprinklers...
i live for adventure....i love fun...
i am always down

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

i hate waiting....

My new time killer when waiting is to answer questions on ok cupid...I don't do much match searching...
I like to answer ?s is all....I wonder statisticly how much of a avg match I make....like someone who answers totally diferent than I might get a larger range of matchs...or not.
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OMFG i am sooo board....

it is too damn hot to do anything today...
its a great day for hot sweaty sex...
i will be doing laundry then going to work...
the sun feels nice on my skin though...
breakfast outside is a good idea...

It is fucking hot today!
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