Late night tired rant...

Happy Fucking New Year...I am not looking forward to tomorrow, errrr today later on anyway since the sun will be rising soon --- i have effectively put myself in a fucked situation with my insomnia - I went out tonight with the hopes of getting drunk enough to sleep -- I had no intentions of talking to anyone or meeting anyone or having any fun last night I just wanted to get drunk and pass out --

instead I bumped into two coworkers and some stranger wouldn't leave me alone - he kept trying to hook me up with some girl and telling me I should smile - I was so annoyed - I was in no mood to be anything -- I finally caved and went over to met his friend just to get him to shut up - it was so dumb --

He goes "hey this is Eddie he's straight" - she goes "your straight!" - than grabs me and before I know it she's all over me - I felt like such a tool - making out with strangers just isn't as fun as it used to be -- now I say this on New Years the most popular day to make out with strangers --

gaugh tomorrow is gonna suck from beginning to end -- I love my roommate Eric but I am dreading going to brunch - I mean Who am I gonna sit with!?! my best bet is Maria and her new boy toy -- fun I get to watch them make out as I try not to choke on my Mimosa --

Then I get to go to work and most likely make shit for money since it already costs $200 just to get in -- at midnight my best bet for a kiss is my gay coworker ohhh scruffy -- by the time I get off everyone will be very drunk and I can just chill in the corner and be apathetic and unamused as always

Use it or lose it just dont abuse it...

I've been lagging on this dumb blog...I've been passing out drunk and exhausted the last week and a half so I didn't need the blog canvas to release the endless rambles rattling around my head...and other than the show I don't have much to say about anything...I had to go to sac Wednesday to finally reset my battery...soon I'll look back to it all and remember some stories...until than here's five things to live by... - life is easy...if you want something ask for it...you'd be surprised how generous people can be...try to have your cake and eat it too...remember to give as much as you take... and if your up at four AM I'm up to chat or cuddle depending on how cute you are ;)

Just me on my island...

Oh golly Gee!! why do such little things ring such large bells in our lives? How is it that the Final two weeks of every year creates such mass reflection and turmoil in everyone...Have you caught yourself thinking about this past year and how much you ve grown or changed over the time or how much you thought you might accomplish but failed to..maybe you surpassed any expectations you had...fuck that would be something...is this life filled with people seeing things half full or half empty...I say FUCK IT ALL...the stupid glass needs a chug and a refill cuz nothing ever stays the same anyway...birthdays, anniversaries, holidays...all stupid check points to look back and see what you've done so far and what you have left to do...I say why fucking bother...not to say reflection is dumb but I just think life is worth reflecting on all the time...because this world is just as predictable as it is unpredictable... and to think that the change of year means anything or the number of days you've been alive or whatever as the barometer for where you should be is a strange idea to me...I guess this all stems for an idea of time and dates being a figment of imagination...lost you whatever...ask me about it later...

trannyshack 12/12

I CANT SLEEP – I’M NOT SURE WHY I EVEN TRY ANYMORE –

I have nothing to say or write about --- I wish I had a warm body to cuddle up with and keep up all night as I babble on about nothing --- this girl came into the bar tonight and told me a story –she quit seeing a girl cuz her best friend doesn’t think she’s cool enough for her --- I wonder about that shit – She said she met a really nice cool girl and they had a little fling and then her best friend, who had met the fling a couple times, spazzed out when she found out ---

ok too many pronouns to keep straight so – “Jill” is in my bar telling her life -- about how her best friend or “Wifey” as she put it – talked shit about “Lucy” A girl she truly digs but cant be with cuz “Wifey” disapproves --- (I’m using fake names only cuz I cant remember the real ones) anyway – I couldn’t understand cuz at first I was like maybe Wifey is jealous and wants Jill but Jill was like no she’s straight and has a boy but I was like even still she probably doesn’t want to share --- but Jill was like no fact is Lucy IS strange and awkward and not the most attractive gal out there --- and Wifey thinks Jill was slumming it ---

I couldn’t help but sympathize with Lucy – so I was like well shit Jill if you like the girl than fucking call her up right now and go hang out --- Jill fucking hesitated --- she was so into Wifey and what she thought that Jill couldn’t do what she really wanted to --- frankly I think Jill is a week soul --- the fucking kicker is that Wifey met Lucy twice and doesn’t really know Lucy but from that she’s made a decision for her friend --- I got very frustrated from all this – I still am --- I can’t stand people who make decisions based on what other people might think of them ---

MY BANDS FIRST BAY AREA SHOW!!!

whats better..being smart or pretty?

It's late or early or whatever...and I am still listening to Ragina Spektor...I cant get enough of her music...so I drove in from Sac today just in time to go to work...i spent about an hour an'a half driving and 2 hours trying to find a parking space...I ended up parking by my work thinking I'ld move it after...nahh...instead i decided walking home would be faster and safer considering my drunken state...but it was raining and I was drenched by the time i got home...the plan was to sober up, eat, then go move my car cuz it's in a sweeping zone tomorrow...that plan went to shit soon as I took off my wet clothes and got all warm and comfy...

so now I'm laying in bed contemplating when I should go move my car...I wonder if i should wait 'till morning and get breakfast on the way...insomnia is so fucking boring...there's only so much shit you can do in the middle of the night...i wonder who's at orphan Andy's at 5am...Who the hell else is up at this time wasting away moments on gibberish and babel...I wonder about the hits I get at this time...are they people waking up or are they wackos like me who haven't slept yet...There should be a place for people like me to go...that's not filled with drunks and strung out zombies...who am I kidding there is no one else up at this time but the drunk and high...


I hear i would get along well in Spain...people tell me the culture there is like how I live my life...sleepwise anyway...I find it very aggravating how early San Francisco goes to bed... for an enlightened large city you would think there would be more options out there...does anyone know what I am talking about...

my songs as I hear them

I let myself fall in love with you…mmm hmmm….there’s no turning back…there’s no being me again… I am in love with you …I am in love with you …now I’m thinking about you…now all I think is you…and here I am…here I am all alone…and there you are… there you are so far away…and now I’m looking for a beautiful place to get lost…some beautiful place to get lost…I don’t know where I go now…and I don’t care who fallows me there now…you left me here so I can sit and cry…oops a daisy how you drove me crazy…there’s no use in me a crying…I’ve done everything and I’m sick of trying…I’ve thrown away my nights and wasted all my days over you…you wont matter anymore…you wont matter anymore…it’s sore all over here…and I promise I’ll feel better...better…better...I’ll feel so fucking everything…I’ll feel betto…betto…betto..and now I lay here and feel nothing at all…anything at all…love will be the death of me…return me to sender…I’ll stop pretending love is forever…come on bartender…kick me back out into the cold and nasty weather…maybe if I’m sober I’ll stop pretending love is for real…love is forever...love Is for me…love will be the death of me…love is so fickle…come on bartender…just another broken heart for me…just another broken heart for ed…where is she now…last night your lips where too appealing… the thrill should have been all gone by the day in the usual way …but its only your arms I’m out of…what a fool to dream of you…twasnt part of my scheme to sigh and tell you I love you…but I’m saying it...I’m playing it dumb…heart break here I come…depression has a hold of me…I don’t need your fucking sympathy…depression got a hold of me…depression, gotta break free..gonna kill me…all I do is think of her…take it away ..take it away...I JUST WANT SOME SKANK…I JUST WANT SOME SKANK!!!

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Insomnia is kicking the shit out of me the last couple nights….too much caffeine….the house is very quite this weekend…no one here to chat with after work so I think my mind is full of random chatter and its keeping me awake…

Last Thursday was one of those nights to always remember though…I have a habit of barging into my sleeping roommates rooms at four in the morning when I’m drunk…now most people would probably be upset with such actions…maybe yell, be offended, move or whatnot…and I try not to be too imposing…but honestly I cant help it…I’m a night owl and I forget sometimes not everyone else is…anyway…the night out was adventure full and afterwards things got hairy…so I ran down the hall to hide…and barged into Maria’s room…who had to go to work in like 3 hours…I open the door and she mumbles some clutch response to being woken up in the middle of the night “Hey wanna cuddle”…I find that very interesting…no “who the fuck are you?” Or “what’s going on is something wrong?”…Honestly I was half expecting her to shoo me away…instead I crawled into her bed and we chatted for about an hour ‘till the house got quite…

I don’t know how to say it but in the short time knowing my roommates I have grown very fond of all of them…they are like family to me…

Depth of friendship does not depend on length of acquaintance. - Rabindranath Tagore

It doesn't matter what I want anyway...

It’s late – I’m drinking a Corona – and I’m watching Tea with Mussolini – soon I’ll step out for a smoke and gaze at the stars and bob my head to some stupid song I have in my brain --

This last week I’ve been pouting around like a little girl complaining about being single and that all the girls I’ve been meeting lately are nothing but Rats as Ms. Golightly would put it – I have given up on the lot of em…I also have had a few problems at work that have contributed to beating down my soul…so I’ve been staying in keeping quite and laying low…until champagne Sunday…

I had a decent shift at work and after the Jack flowed freely…I ended up going to the BOC after with a couple coworkers…and more free alcohol fell into my lap…My coworkers left and I went out for a final smoke before heading home…I really don’t remember how it happened but I ended up meeting a girl…she’s from Sac…went to the same high school as me…graduated the same year even…or at least I think…I could have made it all up considering how drunk I was… and now thinking back...I think that’s way too weird to be true…

anyway…I’m not sure if it was the countless shots of jack or my emotional state or maybe she just is completely irresistible…but I had to kiss her so I did…which was very out of character for me…and with that my personal vow to be women free ended…I fucking didn’t even last a week…good thing is I was too drunk to remember her name or how to find her…I was soooo drunk I probably made a complete fool of myself…I doubt she was all that interested in me anyway…so I can keep the idea of being girl free going…if I want to…