I LOVE HER....

I guess Im just a hopeless romantic...

So i have to say...my feelings can be very intoxicating...I know what it feels like to be deprived of true emotional connection in a relationship then have someone come along and give you what youve been thirsting...and so you drink it up...taking giant gulps of it cuz your cravings for it have been so strong...I know how it feels...i've felt it all my life...from the lack of what I needed in a relationship to the lack of love from my family....I know the thirst and I know the exhilaration of finding someone who can give you what you need...I've lived my life of being there for people providing them with the love that they crave...and then having them fill up to the brim to where they nearly explode...like drowning from drinking too much water...then they take a step back, their bellies full...and with their hunger fed they pull away...and then feeling better about them selves they move on...and sometimes come back when they need more...and I stupidly let them...i crave it too...and I have struggled with trying to be honest with myself...trying to know the difference between true love and not...trying to be true to my emotions and not let people take advantage of me...
and when I met her i wasn't thirsting...I didnt crave love...she just found me...and maybe it was her thirst found me...she saw in my eyes a soul that can give her what she craved... The things she said to me the way that she is...her way of living the things she loves to do...her spirit...her words...and mostly, what I pray to god is genuine, her love for me...it all made me believe she was different...I know I gave her the love she thirsted but I hoped that she also loves me, not just the way i make her feel...
I fucking know I haven't known her very long...I know this all seems so fucking crazy...i've fucked up my life doing stupid things for loves sake...I've made dumb mistakes because i thought i was loved...I try very hard not to fall in those same traps...I know myself and my emotions to believe this is different...I know what i feel for her is different...i have never felt for someone what i feel for her...i know I love her...I dont need to know her for months to figure that out...the extent of that love well...i know I want to to learn everything about her and experience so many things with her...I also know life is an adventure and you can never expect things to just work out...you have to make it work...but you also cant force it...and that is the last thing I want to do...i never want her to do or say or act in anyway that is not natural to her for my sake...because love for me doesnt work that way...love cant be made to happen...it cant be slowed or sped up...it cant be ignored or amplified...you can be confused with infatuation...but infatuation is like puddy...easily manipulated and unstable...love is strong and its either there or not...to be grown or wither and die...
but I know she is going through a tough time...several major changes in her life...I know she is going to be afraid and have doubts about everything...i understand if she might need time away from my intoxicating feelings to clear her mind...maybe that will help lower the stress in her life...I dont want her to do things because she is afraid of hurting me if she didnt do them...all i ask is honesty and to be true with your emotions...I know somedays love is stronger than other days...it wavers in the wind sometimes undeniable sometimes full of doubt...but as long as it is there, between us...this connection...I cant be hurt...cuz love is felt much deeper than anything else...when it is true...

for me...i dont know how to tell if love is true or not...can it be true before two people even meet...laying dormant until the two souls finally meet...waiting for two hearts to find each other and than grow...from infatuation to being deeply deeply in love...I think true love can be like that...soul mates if you will...I guess I am a romantic...maybe a fool...but i believe in it...and someday I hope I learn how to tell when love is true or not...