So today is the first day we havnt communicated in almost a year...now this is the most miserable day of my life
This isnt just another breakup...its not a case of a two people splitting ways and moving on...this wasnt a "just for now" relationship turning into a "that was then"...not for me...she isnt just another girl in a line of relationships as i try to figure life out....its an accepted idea to be single in the city...with so many possibilities its hard to stay focused and not wonder what else is out there....no this is not a breakup i can force myself to get over and move on from...i found out what real true love is...i mean every relationship i had in the past felt nothing like this does...its like you meet someone and theres a connection somewhere...either your physically attracted either sexually or intellectually...or your souls intertwine and connects you like long lost friends you feel for without even knowing....or your heart leaps out your chest for a person embracing and being embraced by lovely endorphins...you start off with one of those connections and see where it goes...date a bit...in hopes that maybe that one connection could grow into all three....and then along the way something happens...you lose the connection...or one of you sees something shinier on the other side of the fence...or you just realize your relationship isnt gonna develop into the true heart, body, and soul love....
I remember the moment my soul bonded with hers...it knew there was something the first moment we met on the sidewalk near mecca...then in my kitchen on pride....we were talking and i felt that something as if we've known each other for lifetimes and now we were catching up...our first night we physically intellectually connected talking all night as we third wheeled Chey that Monday night...my mind found its balance...she has it all...she loves to talk and loves to listen...she loves to laugh and as a great sense of humor...i could go on forever about the things i love about her...and she is the picture of beauty my mind had always imagined...we couldn't resist each other...she went back home to ohio and we couldnt deny our connections...and over the phone my heart fell in love with her...the things she did for me...the loving she shared with me our hearts melted together....
For nearly a year i talked to her in some way every day...for nine months we spent only one night apart...this was not the cause for the demise of our relationship...i want to spend every night for the rest of my life with her i want to speak to her every day until i die...this is because our love is connected in a way i have no control over...my mind cant convince my heart to stop loving...my soul cant convince my mind to give up...my heart will not quite my soul from yearning...my entire being is dedicated to her happiness and bathing in her joy...
the causes for the demise of our relationship is a number of things...and i pray we can overcome them...
So not i dont feel single cuz love like this cant just be forgotten...love like this i cant just lose and move on from...i cant suppress it and try to be friends...i cant imagine myself with anyone else...and no this will not change because love like this does not come everyday...love like this you never know exists until you feel it yourself...and unless youve felt it you just dont know what i am going through...i am not heart aching i am not a hopeless romantic clinging on to shattered dreams...i am a person who has found the meaning to life the happy in my happiness...the woman of my dreams....there is no one else...and lost it...i lost her...feels like i died...my heart...my body....my soul.
I am fucked...
