it the same thing just different...

I finally got a new job...its what i have been trying to get since forever...my career is on its way...only thing is its not perfect...but what ever is...i am working at 222 hyde now...running the show, at least trying to...its hard to get the owners to do what they need to do...but hopefully it will all work out...and maybe a year or so from now i will bust out with my own place...things are changing for me...i feel like a fish released from a hook...a year ago i thought i had it all, the girl the career, the friends, but things didnt work out...i know swore i found the perfect girl for me but people change...thats life i guess...its hard to know what is the right thing to do the right path to take, where in this world you belong...and now i couldnt be more sure of the oppisite...things are making a bit more sense now...funny thing is when i got mecca i kinda felt the same way about my life as i do now...but now i feel like everything is better...my standards are always getting higher...and i tend to find out life does get better...then it gets worse...then it gets good again...i just have to remember not to let that chance pass me by...the other night i missed one...but hopefully it wont be the last chance i get...i am excited about 222 hyde though...and now i work at a place where all my friends can visit...so get yo asses out there and say hi...2 dollar PBRs you cant hate on that...

to be wanted..lusted over...loved

i dont think i ask for all that much...i think its what everyone wants....i know who i am as a person...i am still growing and learning...but the core person inside me...i know who that is...i know that i will leave a party to help a friend in need...and i would leave a friend to chase love...there have been moments in my life when i went against my instincts...i was proud of myself...because the truth is...i chase love so fucking much...i am always looking for it...i realized a few years back that i was born to be half of something...but people are like puzzle pieces and not just any two can fit together...i thought i had found the perfect piece for me...but i have come to realize there is something to what everyone has said..but my instincts dont agree...its like janet said, what have you done for me lately...i am that way though...i have never been about words but actions...say you love me till your blue in the face i dont care, go out of your way to show me you love me and i will remember that forever...it goes like that for any relationship...everyone knows that friend that fucks you over constantly, ditches you at parties or always flakes or is always so drunk your night is ruined cuz you have to babysit...most of us have grown up and cut those people from our lives...but there is still that friend that despite acting like an ass you still forgive, and not because they said sorry, they all say sorry, but cuz they did something to show you they care about you...people are allowed to make mistakes we all fuck up from time to time but forgiveness comes with atonement...and so i babble off my point i started with again....which was my heart...i went to the whiz to get a new one...found out i had one the whole time...it has a hole it in though...and there are so many of us out there looking for that puzzle piece to help us make sense of life...it was all so much easier when all i wanted was a "just for now" "no strings attached" relationship, i could go down stairs to the bar and in no time find a hot fling...now that i want more that seems all so unsatisfying...but i guess its all about living, moving forward, and just know that someday that hot little number in sexy shoes and a stylish outfit will bump into me somewhere and show me how she feels...it will happen for me and it will happen for you..thats what everyone keeps telling me anyway...