So i a was feeling trapped by myself again...the usual self struggle i go through every day of my life...i completely paralyze myself from doing anything...i will lay in bed and think about all the things i should be doing...then do some sort of distraction...i would watch tons of movies and take all sorts of personality tests...i would read tons of shit on wiki and google the shit out of whatever...all sorts of things to just let the time pass by...until to about a year ago i would play hours and hours of video games...i would make excel spreadsheets concerning them and replay games over and over again...such a wast of time...and i would do these things trying to cope with my anxiety...it crushed me...i couldnt breath right so i would get light headed and have chest pains...i would over think things like crazy...then i would go out and disappear at a bar amongst my friends for hours...come home watch another movie and pass out....that was my typical day off, as I struggle with depression and anxiety...
So my parents come back from mexico and i asked them to restock my supply of sleeping pills...and my dad gives me some others to try...xanex and benzos...he obviously doenst know the street value of what he gave me...anyway...i took a xanex today, my first ever...i dont care if this is a pseudo effect or temporary, but it is working...my anxiety has ceased and I am doing shit i need to do...i feel great...IS THIS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE FEELS LIKE ALL THE TIME?! no wonder they find it easy to live life...I have to call my Dr soon...i love this feeling but i got to solve the original issue...this is like the first time i got sleeping pills and realized what a full night of good sleep felt like...man you well adjusted normal people have life pretty easy...
anyway...back to work...
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