and yet here you are again...

so...i hope all things are well with you...my life is having a moment this morning....everything can change today...or...i hate that word now...it rings in my head like an echo of pain....everything today can be needles to my heart...I hope it goes well today...i realize you cant be mine right now...you are nowhere...maybe you are coming into my work today...i dont know...i hope you do...i have a plan but it needs a director...i try too hard...i know...i want too much...i have always searched for true love...i have always thought you would find me...of coarse now i am trying to learn to live without you...without the idea that you exist...because i cant have you...and today has the penitential to be nothing but little reminders of that fact...conversely today can be everything...this could be the week of my life...and today could be the beginning of it all...but truth is today is more like any other day in my life...i dont know what you want from me here...what you are looking for...what you expect to find...truth is i am always me, i am giving, caring, empathetic, kind, supportive, understanding, persistent, patient, wise, passionate, intuitive, artistic, leader, honest, open, and my eyes touch you as deep as my hands, as well as damaged, unlovable, unmotivated, and all those other things you dont understand...always.