I cant sleep...i am watching a movie..."All the real girls"...Love is such a crazy thing...30 mins left in this movie and I feel heart break is coming in the movie...and there it is...
I have been down many roads...I have had my heart broken a few different ways...it always comes as a surprise...even when you see it coming for miles....I told Sweden every little rotten awful thing about myself, i told her everything i could think of that could shatter her image of me, i was pushy and deliberate in destroying how she felt about me...cause i was so fucking scared of getting my heart broken again...that girl knows so many things about me no one else knows...in four months she knows me better than Ohio does after 4 years...and at the end, when i finally felt i could trust in her...after showing her the worst possible me there is, ready to be everything she fell in love with, to trust her enough to let myself be happy because i believed she loved me...she broke my heart...
this movie reminds me of my mistakes...never again will i go down that road...after a year of "i love you, i fucked someone else, i love you, i need space, i love you"....i lost all faith of love...all trust in it...I know i fucked up the last one, but how do i trust again when the second i do, love fucked me over...
My life is different now...i have grown and changed and I recognize potential mistakes much faster now...I know what i need and i know who i am...in a dream world i could take back my last fuckup and start that all over again and do it right this time, be myself, my true self who she fell in love with...but she is forever gone from my life...there is no hope...but I know i will meet someone new someday...and i will get it right...
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