So....suddenly I care about my writing and what I post here....at least I did....I was so inspired by some stories I recently read and by my own voice, having something to write.....I took time in my writing, I thought it out and edited things....only one thing eventually got posted here but I have many pages waiting to go somewhere....but here on this blog....this is where I write with emotion, where I release my feelings and move on..... where I cry n complain n ramble drunkingly about whatever I feel like at the moment....
So, this being my birthday post, I should be posting a drunk'n ramble...but I am not drunk......yet...I am drinking a bottle of champagne in the park as I write this, so....
I am in such a different place then I was a year ago....I have always had a crush on someone in my life....some unrequited love, or at times reciprocal love...but there was always someone I longed for....
For the first time in my life I am completely love free, it is very sobering....
This first phase of my trip is coming to an end, ten weeks in Paris.....about 8 too many...I don't hate Paris but I for sure don't love it....my time was not wasted here though....I may have a new lowered opinion of the French, but I also met some very nice French people too, the rarity of that makes it even that much more special.....
The food here has been great...all over the country...my meal in Saumur was outstanding...speaking of food...I really can't wait to get to Sweden, I have been craving pickled herring for months.... those dinners at bo bannas parents house were so good....all my favorite types of dishes, and such nice people, I had a great time...what a whirlwind those few days were....up and down and crazy...that is what that relationship was, crazy....I still don't know what she was thinking, why she was so easily in love, obviously it wasn't real, she loved some idea of who I was instead of who I really was, I think ...for my part, I had sabotaged it from the beginning, underneath I couldn't be OK with how young she was, and emotionally I was in no condition to love again so soon after finally ending it with Bea... so depressed at that time....
Thank god I am better now, thank god she ended it, imagine if I moved to Sweden, what a mistake that would have been....
I am so grateful I met her though....it is because of her I am here.... she was my botom....I still love her, she is an amazing person and will do amazing things with her life, I had hoped we could be friends but at last I don't think it will happen, she means a lot to me, she is a very important person in my past, I had hoped to keep in touch, meet her many future boyfriends...discuss love, politics, and business...to share our worries and successes...to give and love as friends...ahh but my affection for her will probably have to die....my love is for those who are kind, welcoming, and sharing.....
Speaking of....I miss my friends....I love them so.........especially the French ones....this bottle is empty...time to find some fun.....
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