Dear world I realize my dreams will never Come true I am too old, too shy, too fucked up, too unhappy, unapproachable, I will never find her, I will never meet my daughters, fuck that hurts to say...to spend half your life depressed the other half living for something that will never happen...to give up on my girls...what I thought why I was alive...I have no idea why I am here...but I know it is not to be happy, to be in love, to have my family...Penelope n AnnaLucia....my girls I will never get to hug, to teach, to be there for....love is not in my future....all I Ever wanted was love..........this is my relapse...........OK fuck it.....no love in my life but I don't care I don't need it...I got....I have.....well nothing is found.....I can never have anything I want but all the things u want....they come easy....such is life...I hate it but thank good every day for it....the point of this statement is to gain strength from not wanting things I cant have...to never hurt for things I dont have...to not care for the things I have no control over...I get the situation I am in and I understand that my life is out of my control when it comes to love...and so instead of living to find love, living to be something i may never be...I am deciding that my only priority in life is myself and a life lived alone...that is where I am most likely going to be....Not that I have given up, just that I no longer want for things I cant control...and for things that are very unlikely to happen anymore....my dreams will never come true...but I still have a life to live...so instead of being sad that those dreams are just that, i have to be something, I am not happy...but I am not sad....I am not content either...I dont know what I am....I guess I do...I am a zombie...again....
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