If you love me and you know it clap your hands....

I had an awesome 3 days off...my Birthday was relaxing, and my friends are amazing, even though i barely know them...i dont know how long they will be in my life...this is San Francisco after all...but I am having fun these days...i spent most of my days off in bed, thinking...I was anxious about getting back to work yesterday, ignoring it and the work i have to do...but in the end, I am great at my job and everything is fine...I sometimes think about what would happen if...i over analyze everything...i think about the irony of loving things that by their nature cant love back...the fact that the things you love about someone are the same things why they wont love a person like you back...its like loving food but somehow the best foods are loaded in calories, and by nature they hate me cuz they make me fat, so now what....So i guess i am looking for that bottle of wine that wont get me drunk, or that lesbian that loves straight queer guys....i am looking for something that doesnt exhist...so i must give up again....my heart must die...Zombafie me...it is nice my hearts last love is so far away...it makes it easier for it to die instead of imaging what would happens...what if i just moved to sweden anyway...what if she moved here...what if i use my ticket to go there now, what if we meet again in a year, ten years.....i cant think these thoughts...time for my heart to die...