...so here i am...i imagine what it is like to be a homeless person standing outside a burger shack watching the people eat when i am so fuckin starving...i am tired of people telling me how great of a guy i am and how much i fucking deserve...i surround myself with good people we all deserve happiness...we all are searching for a rock to stand on...air to breath...but then there you are not taking the steps you know you should take....i know where i want to be in life and its so fucking hard to get there because i wont do what it takes to be there....i want so much and yet i cant get myself to do it....and i ask god why....why do i suffer...and it all points to me...i want someone to just know what i need...to have it and want to give it to me...i feel like a misused tool...a screwdriver being used as a hammer...sure i can do the job but thats not what i am meant for...i am happy for my friends....they keep me going...but this is my city...this is my home....i am not traveling through trying to find myself....so kill me now...i have nowhere else to go....and yet with every message sent to lust i know i am nothing....my ow my i cant stop....but the ribbons have lost their sent...and all i have to hold onto is rejection....and the realization that the last person texted was...well it aint me....but not everything is as it seems....like the song says..your so vain you think this song is about you....well maybe the blog is about you...maybe its not...but when i look i see what could have been despite what was...its whatever you like...and now how you felt yesterday is not how you feel today...things change...love fades....and i am tired of being used for sex...i am tired of one night stands and misplaced affections....so whatever dont stop....i am not trying to cage you up...i am not a keeper...and when i call and dont get an answer trust holds me true....cuz sometimes i need to walk my own way...and so i act like a jackass...no one gets the reason why i do the things i do....and my eyes stare into space...wondering...remembering that moment...its more than then fire in my blood...its like lightning through my soul...its chaos...but to hear those words form you...to think you are ready to say those words and i am ready to hear them....its sweet...a thing of dreams...but this is not real....its old and faded...and taken over by mindless bohunks and fat phobes....your songs say so much to me....but i cant keep listening to them....its like forgiveness is easy forgetting is foolish...cuz feeling sorry for what you did does not change anything...i do believe in rehabilitation but also in punishment...i want to atone for my mistakes to offer up a reason why me fuckups should be forgotten to pay the price...i just wish i knew how and to who....i am sick and tired of being sick and tired...my life is always missing that one word...IN...the game is over and i am no longer playing...
No comments:
Post a Comment