I hate this feeling…again…at a crossroads…I have no idea what I can do…I was on the beach looking out into the ocean imagining the rush of riding one of those great waves…recalling the past…past waves that picked me up and made me smile as I rode their greatness…past waves that came up over me and crashed me into the hard sand and rocks bellow…covering me with whitewater so deep I didn’t know if I’d drown or rise up again…but I always do float to the top with great relief and take in a huge breath of life…those past waves now put a little fear in me…as I wade out into the water just deep enough to feel the white water push and pull me…the feelings of fear and anxiety cutting through the passion to find that perfect wave…
I now stand there…my feet sinking into the sand…like a scared puppy….watching the waves break in front of me…felling the currant pulling me out…fighting it cuz I’m just not ready yet…Do I have the strength to fight pass the break… or will I just struggle against it and never get anywhere…will the white water keep pulling me teasing me…making me believe I can get out to my wave… than just push me back in…back to the beach to stare out alone….
all I live for is to ride that one great wave…I dream of it…I can sometime see it out there passing by…am I not ready for it…am I too scared to handle it… do I have the tools to be everything that wave deserves…to show that wave the ride of a lifetime…or will it just come over me and slam me down like all the others….will it sink me into the deep dark water leaving me to drown…I can see a good one coming but I just cant trust it…it looks good from afar but the closer it gets to me I can see it start to fade and destroy itself…I stand here waiting for a wave worth swimming out to…and here is one coming I see it looks a lot like the other ones I’ve ridden…the other ones that fooled me and fell out from underneath me leaving me with nowhere to go but down…it calls to me but the white water of past waves are holding me ashore…I want to believe I can swim out to it and it will be there for me…it will be there to raise me up as I pull out me sweet tricks full of passion and love…
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