Wasting time....

So....I am doing this celibate thing....zombiefied....my heart is dead it no longer beats...yet I still walk n talk and drink....drink....and  boooze.....
So anyway....I found out I am addicted to love....I have a crazy reaction to it where I will do anything and put up with anything and sacrifice everything for it.....and I used to think that was love...that was what I wanted from someone else that kind of dedication...i wanted someone to be addicted to me like I was to her....
Now I realize that its not healthy or right..
So I have been weening myself off the addiction...I have squished down my emotions and have basically rehabed off the drug...
so now that I am sober....I am able to push loves away....and here I am with an attraction...I am attracted to someone....
I am lost..I don't know how to have a healthy relationship....
I don't know how to do this...
Actually.....