At the parc....

I am not sad to be alone...surrounded by all these people enjoying there time with their friends....for me being alone is normal....even when I had a girlfriend I spent much time alone doing things....it used to make me sad...
I used to believe my purpose in life was to be a father, a husband, to love...i used to want that very much....but it is a fools game to want love....it is the one thing you can't make happen....you can't go out and say I am going to make love happen today....it doesn't work that way...you can put yourself out there, date everyone, be the perfect boyfriend...but still not find love....
For me love is off the table...I no longer long for it...I no longer believe I am here for love...i no longer look for it...I did close myself off from it....because I realized I was addicted and controlled by it...but no longer...I am "dry" and "sober"....I do think I am ready for it now...but I no longer will allow myself to settle...I will only date those I am initially attracted to...only those who have their shit together...women who are ready for long term relationships and love....
I don't know how to attract those girls, or where they are, in fact I am not sure I know how to do that kind of love....but I am open and ready to try....
if it comes my way I will let it happen....but....that being said....my  thoughts are about what I am going to do next...and how I am going to do it...