This is Real...

i put a lot of shit here...personal shit....

i have to release this...if i dont it will eat me up...
these are words she gave me
"But I know what I want. I want someone real. I want you."
and...

"So Eddie, don’t ever stop being you and don’t for a second think you are not doing anything special enough. You are and I love every single thing about you."

of coarse those words were not true...
does it all come down to a young girl who
doesnt know the difference from infatuation and Love...
was the age difference too great, the cultural difference too hard...
the long distance too impossible...
does it come down to that i am unlovable...
i dont have what women want...

truth be told, loving her would have been a very difficult task...
i am saving at least $10k not going there now...
so i dont have to bust my ass to earn that $..
and now i dont have to cram learn swedish...
and moving there would have been sooo fucking hard...
i had no idea what i was going to do for $ there..
and i hate cold weather, i was planning on moving there in the winter...
their or no jobs and no sun in the winter there...
but it would have been all worth it to be with her...

I was definitely falling in love with her more n more every day...
sure she is young, naive, and thinks she knows everything already...
but she is sooo fierce, i have no doubt in her abilities...
she has a personality i could spend the rest of my life with...
i know if we lived in the same city things would be different...
my charm doesnt translate well over the phone...
I even Love how stubborn she is about the breakup thing...
i know she wont give me another chance...
there is nothing i can say that will change her mind...
i love her for that...

but i guess those words she said to me...all those i love you soo much...
and i want all of you all the time, amount to nothing...

i totally was made a fool again...
i trusted Love, I had faith in it...
and in less then a weeks time it betrayed me...

i dont think i will ever fall in love again...