Where are you going?

So here I am sitting on the couch fighting another panic attack…my gut is wrenching…my heart is pounding…my soul is dying…I don’t get it…there was a time when I had too much shit goin on and I needed to find that “moment” to compose myself and escape the madness…now the lack of living is causing me to feel insane…I need to find something consistent in my life…I keep having fleeting moments of passion, which was something I needed and wanted in my life…and now here I am dying for something long-term…why does life shit on you like this…