I don’t know what to do with myself

Life is a fucking rollercoaster – the things you think are ruining your life can turn out to be the very same things that make it all work – I don’t believe all things will work out in the end – there is no fairy godmother to come along and turn your rags into riches and your evil boss into a toad – I don’t believe that all you have to do is be a good person than good things will happen for you – Karma can only take you so far – fate is only one step in the whole scheme of things –

I was walking home late one night at about 5am after the EndUp – I met my future wife there – she was gorgeous, amazing to talk to, a fantastic dancer, a sensual sweet kisser, almost perfect – I say almost because apparently at 5am she decided to remember she has a boyfriend and it was time for her to leave – so after a pathetic rebound dance with a girl from Kentucky who just didn’t measure up – I left alone walking home – I got down on myself on the walk home – wondering what I have to do to make things work out – If I was a better person, maybe if I gave more to the world, when is karma gonna come back around to me – Is this as good as it gets? –

I’ve been struggling for some time with this idea – Is there Love out there waiting for me? Are my life goals practical? - One night I was at the Mint outside and this street guy came walking by and noticed I was in and emotional down fall – he sat and talked to me for about an hour trying to cheer me up – He said he was an angel sent down to help people like me – so I asked him “how does someone let go of the pain from being alone and feeling unloved” – He gave me every cliché in the book “…lemons, make lemonade”, “…light at the end of the tunnel”, “…love yourself first”, “Your time will come”, and my fave “there is a reason for everything” type shit - and I shot them all down cuz when you get down to it there are no words that can make the lonely realize loneliness is ok -