a vampire where the sun never sets.....

it has been over a year since I have had sex....I dont see that changing anytime soon....not here in Sweden....my heart cant be in it, not anymore..........mistakes are being made everyday....sometimes a mistake leads to something amazing....doesn't change the mistake, just makes it feel less awful that you made a mistake...if only you could speek to me Snowflake....who are you? where are you? what am i doing in Sweden? did i make a mistake?
i made it to Germany....maybe i wouldn't have gone there if i wasn't coming here...l liked Germany....Sweden i keep feeling like i am seeing the same person everywhere, identical blond blue eyed girls n boys sprinkled into the crowds, and orange skinned girls, so awful looking....my adventure here has just begun....no judgments yet..... but without doubt it is much better than Malmo...prettier for sure....
i don't believe in fate, destiny, mystical reasons for things happening....i wasted much of my life waiting for something magical to find me and change my life....foolish...
i am spending my day sitting outside in the sun.....watching strangers square dance, while some odd running race circles around winding through the crowds, as i sit here and day dream...am i going to look up and see you...are you going to sneak up and surprise me with your beauty.....will it snow today....
it feels more like a very hot summer day in the Sahara desert....
i kinda feel stupid and embarrassed for being here....did i make a mistake....
so be it....i will make the best of it...this day is not over...the storms could be coming....or....i can enjoy the desert heat with some kick ass Swedish food..... until it snows my darling.....i will be falling in love with various pickled herrings, and potatoes drowning in toppings......