is it dead or sleeping....give it a kick and see what happens.....

blah blah blah.....the last five nights i have gotten very little sleep....sleeping in hostels is difficult for me....and the last two nights before i left Paris i was out very late and up very early.....
it is catching up with me.....my mind is very dreamy, i constantly think about the same question over and over.....i can't answer it...my mind circles around it.....
Scandinavian people are sooo tall....and mostly not very good looking, tall or short ....at least for my taste....but there are so many people from all over here..... and i often feel haunted....those eyes...that smile....every day i get closer....i think more about her....i guess about you since i am sure you are reading this...which makes my feel like i should delete this last paragraph.....but i guess you get to know at least that i am thinking about you...and i wonder if i still would think of you  if i wasn't going north....at least as much.....
so....but there is oh so much more to it isn't there....
this is a blog...not a letter to you.....i like letters though....i should write them...i wish i got them...like people did in the old days....now people just post on FB and call that keeping in touch.....
Amsterdam has been fun so far...the people are great....service has been great  and friendly....last night i was out till five, and a little high from all the second hand smoke....
i did not like the red light district...it kinda sucks there....i don't pay for sex and the bars are filled with men trying to get their  liquid courage up and a couple girls taking advantage of the hordes of drunk horny men.....
i did get lucky though and found a great punk dive bar.....it just needed fernet and a bourbon list and it would have been perfect.....
i am tired but my choices are hang out in a hostel with annoying kids or wander around...there is no point to the direction in which i go....i just keep moving.....and i am worn out....and i feel stinky and dirty.....these are not snow conditions.....