On the flip side i love working, I work 60+ hours a week, I split my days off because two days in a row off was too long and I got board...so here is the thing....I am about to quit my job, and I have no idea what I am going to do next, but what I dont want to do is waste away my time...i dont have much time left to waste...so part of me doesnt want to quit because i like having a job, but most of me knows it is the best thing to do, but without someone holding me accountable I am afraid I wont do shit....I know this sounds ridiculous to you, maybe immature or a week excuse....But the brutal honest truth is that I lack dedication, I always have, I always have struggled with this, i remember being in grade school and wondering why I procrastinated so much, why i spent my days doing nothing but thinking about the things i should do instead of doing them, and then letting that anxiety grow and grow and paralyze me....
Over the years I have changed and found ways to overcome the anxiety and be more productive....but I am still weak, I still waste away days....the cause of this is not my question right now......genetics, chemical imbalance, how I was raised, personal immaturity and cowardliness, whatever the reason, the problem exists, and I am afraid of not accomplishing my goals...
This is my greatest fear...to die alone and to have nothing to show for my life...only because i did nothing...
Right now I am very busy...working hard long hours....but i have no time for love, no time to learn the things I need to know, no time to make the things I dream of happen....very busy, doing nothing....
but how do I find drive and dedication in myself to do the things i have to do...i believe in myself, i know i can do them, i just dont know how to start....
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