trying to understand my life....

9 In order to know what is changin or not changin you have to know what things were like before - Before the butterfly, love was a feeling i didn't fully know I didn't explore it, enjoy it, was not familiar with it, I wasn't ready for it - There is a huge difference between knowing true love and everything else - and if you dont get that then you don't understand anything i feel - and i didnt understand or know these feelings before either - I did once feel an intense true connection years ago - and as a result i felt heartbreak that changed my life - and every relationship since faced the consequence of that heartbreak - as time went by and all the women i've met none of them made me feel like i did with her - I changed, my heart broken and cold, my soul passionless, my mind hungry for affection - i became like a zombie aimlessly wondering for affection of any kind - i had forgotten what love felt like and decided it was youthful exaggeration of old fond memories - i doubted my memories of how i felt - but then things changed again for me - i looked into someones eyes and my heart got awakened then it was warmed and thawed and stolen by a chrysalis - i received these beautiful emails and cards full of wonderful words, passion, and love...i felt cared for and thought of and my passion came back and my mind became focused, the way she looked at me brought back all those memories of true love except even better - she cured me of my zombie way of life trying anything out exploring any possibility - i was no longer a zombie --- but i no longer am like the person i was becoming then either --- that chrysalis is now a butterfly --- but did i return to the zombie i became the first time my heart was broken -