its funny how things work...the thing that made me feel the happiest i have ever felt in my life now makes we feel the worst i ever felt in my life....
i suffered from major depression most of my childhood...i have one memory of the 4th grade and its not a good one...it wasn't until i was 23 i think until i got a grip of it and snapped out of my major depression...but i still suffer from bouts of it here and there...and i was told i have a constant low level depression i cant get rid of...i think thats the main cause of my insomnia, my low energy levels, why i am so negative and unhappy, why i am an asshole sometimes and say mean things and push people away....
its been almost ten years of me dealing with this low level depression...Dysthymia is what its called....over the years i have learned how to deal with it...and sometimes i fall into severe depression still....when i suffer from major depression i have learned how to conquer it and recognize my behavior to make those periods of depression shorter...but the disthymia is always with me...its hard to think of life without feeling this way now...
well i think my recent bout with major depression is ending...i know what i need to do and i feel the energy to do those things come back...and its all because i am getting a grip on this love shit...so i have to see her at work and it sucked not being able to love her, and it sucked even more knowing she is flirting with the sous chef...but that hurt is now all but gone...truth is after talking to him i found out he is an asshole and a liar and really short...if thats the kind of guy she wants then so be it...
really the point of this was to say i am making stride to get out of my depression and am ready to live life again...so bring it on
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