AWHILE BACK AGO AT MARINE WORD

Me and Kelley went to Marine world in V-town like a month ago...

On the Madusa...it was a good ride...we went on most of them twice...the park was empty so we didnt have to wait in lines..i fucking love that...

a cheetah...it just passed back and forth along that fence...like it was insane...very freaky...
The tigers...we got there late in the day so we missed all the shows...but got to see these guys hangin about...

The Lions cage...this pimp had about five bitches hangin around...they just lounged there all day...
The shark walk...
I think I see a phuussy Cat...

Why do marsions where skirts?

The horny geeks of the sea....

This dude wanted to eat me...i know it...
whateves...
I think this guy was laying in the same spot when I came here 15 years ago...

Not the one that killd that croc guy...
Me and Kelley...we had fun...wasting away a hot summer day...

I LOVE HER....

I guess Im just a hopeless romantic...

So i have to say...my feelings can be very intoxicating...I know what it feels like to be deprived of true emotional connection in a relationship then have someone come along and give you what youve been thirsting...and so you drink it up...taking giant gulps of it cuz your cravings for it have been so strong...I know how it feels...i've felt it all my life...from the lack of what I needed in a relationship to the lack of love from my family....I know the thirst and I know the exhilaration of finding someone who can give you what you need...I've lived my life of being there for people providing them with the love that they crave...and then having them fill up to the brim to where they nearly explode...like drowning from drinking too much water...then they take a step back, their bellies full...and with their hunger fed they pull away...and then feeling better about them selves they move on...and sometimes come back when they need more...and I stupidly let them...i crave it too...and I have struggled with trying to be honest with myself...trying to know the difference between true love and not...trying to be true to my emotions and not let people take advantage of me...
and when I met her i wasn't thirsting...I didnt crave love...she just found me...and maybe it was her thirst found me...she saw in my eyes a soul that can give her what she craved... The things she said to me the way that she is...her way of living the things she loves to do...her spirit...her words...and mostly, what I pray to god is genuine, her love for me...it all made me believe she was different...I know I gave her the love she thirsted but I hoped that she also loves me, not just the way i make her feel...
I fucking know I haven't known her very long...I know this all seems so fucking crazy...i've fucked up my life doing stupid things for loves sake...I've made dumb mistakes because i thought i was loved...I try very hard not to fall in those same traps...I know myself and my emotions to believe this is different...I know what i feel for her is different...i have never felt for someone what i feel for her...i know I love her...I dont need to know her for months to figure that out...the extent of that love well...i know I want to to learn everything about her and experience so many things with her...I also know life is an adventure and you can never expect things to just work out...you have to make it work...but you also cant force it...and that is the last thing I want to do...i never want her to do or say or act in anyway that is not natural to her for my sake...because love for me doesnt work that way...love cant be made to happen...it cant be slowed or sped up...it cant be ignored or amplified...you can be confused with infatuation...but infatuation is like puddy...easily manipulated and unstable...love is strong and its either there or not...to be grown or wither and die...
but I know she is going through a tough time...several major changes in her life...I know she is going to be afraid and have doubts about everything...i understand if she might need time away from my intoxicating feelings to clear her mind...maybe that will help lower the stress in her life...I dont want her to do things because she is afraid of hurting me if she didnt do them...all i ask is honesty and to be true with your emotions...I know somedays love is stronger than other days...it wavers in the wind sometimes undeniable sometimes full of doubt...but as long as it is there, between us...this connection...I cant be hurt...cuz love is felt much deeper than anything else...when it is true...

for me...i dont know how to tell if love is true or not...can it be true before two people even meet...laying dormant until the two souls finally meet...waiting for two hearts to find each other and than grow...from infatuation to being deeply deeply in love...I think true love can be like that...soul mates if you will...I guess I am a romantic...maybe a fool...but i believe in it...and someday I hope I learn how to tell when love is true or not...

The other day at the beach...

Ohio here I come...

Fun in Oakland...

Last night....shit happened....
talking to my Ohio girl...

Royalty featuring Birthday boy Ronnie on bass...


Me sneaking into the pic with Jessi and Maria...
Posing with some lovely ladies.....

Things to do today: - feel loved...check

So after Mecca closed I hit a strange bottom...not like any I had before...it wasnt cuz I lost a job or had my heart broken....no I was getting paid and my heart was sleepin contently....it wasnt cuz my ball of string was getting out of control and the laundry list of neglected responsibilities were overwhelming my life...although the string was unraveling...no i was having serous panic attacks from plain old boredom and stress about the unknown future of everything...i had no idea when or if I would work again...my band was going nowhere...and my love life was down to a frequent uninteresting booty call...
Then it happened...without warning or expectation...I found my soul mate...no...seriously...I found someone who is perfect in every fucking way...i was tripping over my lethargic life...suffocating under the uncertainty of everything...when I looked down...down from my stoop and saw an angel carrying the end of my string...winding it up and bringing it to me...unbeknown to her...she has already changed my life...ounce i was a red tie in a closet of brown suits...i wondered what person in their right mind would accept someone who shit talked as much as I do...someone as cynical and consistently sarcastic as I am...and yet i make her happy...just by doing what makes me happy...everything I ever thought about love and settling down and finding a lover has changed...I though I had experience in falling in love..knowledge about making a relationship work...well its all bullshit...the rules have changed...those past waves dont compare...this ocean I am swimming in is endless...I know Ive only known her for about a month...but you just cant know what Im talking about until you know for yourself...I feel like I am in a dream...and I fucking hope I never wake up...

4th of July in SF

SO I watched the works from a house in the Castro hills...the view of the city is amazing...but as for watching the works it was ok...here's some pics...

sorry boys...........and girls....

I'm done...nothing fucking matters anymore...life is a series of stages...its a skill you learn through the years..living...at first your some young tike...you learn to crawl...falling on your face dragin ass here and there and once you getit down some fuck pulls you by the pits and makes you stand...then walk...then run..then ride a bike..then your falling in love and...

every move you make is scary as shit...leaving all that was understood and mastered..."I HAD THAT CRAWLING SHIT DOWN, now you make me STAND!!!" oh shit this is scary...then you do it and you master it then you move onto the next...

where are you...what stage of life are you mastering...what stage are you afraid of moving onto...remember the last stage you where in..how scary it was at first...you know that feeling when something new hits you that you had no idea about...you think "I'M CRAWLING HERE AND IT GETS ME TO AND FRO SO GOOD...WHAT ARE YOU FUCKS WALKING FOR, THIS IS THE SHIT"...then some fuck makes you stand and its scary at first...but then you start walking...and then running...when was the last time you crawled...drunk as fuck because you lost your steps...You know it...moving on is good for you..growing is good for you...what you thought was life before is now moved on to a new stage that you had no idea existed...I thought I knew what a love connection was...i thought i was in love before...I think i just stood up......................scary as shit....i am loving it...

I need a fix...

Try to understand your heart…your soul…your life…I am a addict…I am a junky…my drugs of choice…LOVE, MUSIC, PEOPLE…