Four things have occupied my mind these days....my dream last night, a recurring one of my life, my home, my true dream...
christmas is today...I am not one to celibate it...
although when in a relationship it is always fun...and so is trips to wine country, another thing on my mind...I want to go wine tasting, fallowed by an awesome dinner and a romantic night, then fallowed by hot lava mud bathes and messages then soaking in hot spring water bathes the next day...I love living close to those things and I want to experience them one more time before I leave...that is if I leave for good...
And of'coarse, Paris....moving...the fact that love is not here for me, it never was in any way...The more people I date here, the more people I meet here, the more I realize I will never find her here...and I dont belong here...
So I rewrote my plan for life...so maybe I get a spot in France or Spain on the sea...or in Paris, or in champagne itself...i don't know where now exactly...maybe i buy a few rows of a vineyard or a piece of one...and I set up shop, sell my own champagne in my lounge, with the love of my life, is she the chef, the maitre d, the bartender, the ceo and chief of marketing, does she run the floor every night entertaining everyone with ease, making friends nightly, does she control the back of the house creating master pieces of eatable art, or does she use her genius, drive, and likable personality to propel the business into a fiscally thriving amazing company...in any way is it a fault I want to work with her...because when you get to my first thought, my dream, I am always at work, in fact my work is my home, and my home is not a home unless she is there too with me...
But what if life is more like my nightmare, more like reality...am I more like my father, and will make it impossible for my love to work with me...will I alienate my family, will my work consume my life...will I not even start a family...could it be she doesnt want to work with me, perfect in every way but that...i dont know...But then again, I have learned and grown...sure there are things in my genes I cant control, but I can do the things my parents failed to do, because I have seen the pitfalls of their mistakes...reality is still here...and I am lost
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