Break glass in case of emergency...

I dont think i can do this....this is an awful day...why was i cheated on why was my heart broken and why can i not regain trust anymore...trust in people, takes faith in love...and i cant hold onto faith...not when love treats me so....in 7 weeks it can all be over...i would have extended the magic for another 10 days, but those ten days will be over...and i must then face the daunting truth that clouds my days...i am at a point in my life where i cant waste away anymore years, i cant take risks and hope for the best....i need to find something real...something real for my mind, my soul, and my heart...I wonder why love brings such great suffering...why can others find it with such ease, why do so many go lonely...why must i find something so impossible...and i am sooo jaded and guarded and hurt that jealousy fills me...what other men are still in her life, what other men does she still talk to and flirt with, what dicks is she keeping in a glass box just in case we dont work out...i have no right to posses, i have not always been a possessive person, but now i am full of fear and stress that i will be hurt again....i can not allow myself to fall in love with a person who a future with is so impossible...i have always said "home is where the heart is" but in reality i cant place my life on hold to see where that home will be...i am currently unattached to this home but that cant be forever...i have my goals and dreams...reality could separate myself from my love for years...and at this point in my life that would mean forever...i cant fall in love with a person with such risk of never being able to be with her...it already hurts...my heart cant take this stress and pain....knowing she is with others who love her and can be there for her...knowing we may never be able to fulfill our love...i wish this was all in my head this "love" i wish i was just making it all up to fulfill my need for love...but every time i try to tell myself its not real, she shows me how undeniable love is...so in the end i have no choice...my plans are in the air, in 7 weeks this could all be over, or it could all change and all be beginning...