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I am on twitter now...that's what happens when I don't have a GF to express myself too...except my phone is shit and turns into a useless brick for hours at a time...nothing coming in...nothing going out...so i cant always say what i am thinking at the time, anyway...sober now...but not for long...love my friends....

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Even more about myself...

So according to chem.com I work best with director/explorer or director/negotiator personality types…the book said 9% of woman are directors and that means around 6% of women are my preferred…if I meet 100 women 6 of them will be my type…what are the chances those six will be my age group or physical type…I feel like finding someone perfect for me impossible…also it said 20% of men are negotiator types...the type directors look for…so of those 6 woman there are 20 men competing for their attention…

The good thing is that I tested equally 28/27/26% neg/expl/dir so I could be any of these types…I think I could fall in love with a explorer/director or neg/expl and so forth…I think if I did it would just be less than perfect but highly enjoyable none the less…

For instance Ohio is a neg/expl, with her our explorer types got along and she loved the director aspects of my personality…although in the end I would need someone with strong director personality to match mine…or an explorer like my oakland ex, but ready to settle down, she would just have to be balanced like me…but I think there will be moments my negotiator personality will crave attention and those days whoever loves me will have to be a strong director type…

The truth is i need someone balanced in my life…I loved the competitive spirit of Sweden, I loved her focus, she was tough minded, and took trust seriously, she has high standards and thirsted for knowledge I love all those director aspects of her…but she is empathetic not systemizing, that negotiator aspect of her personality sealed the deal for my heart…and she was fun…maybe not as adventurous as I am or would like…but I am sure if I planed trips she would go with me…she is probably a dir/neg…but I really don’t know for sure cuz I was still learning who she is…

My point is I loved her because she had a mix of the aspects of these personalities I enjoy…I talk about my Heart, my Soul, and my Mind….and this is the battle of my personality aspects and their needs…when I delved into enneagrams, http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html , I found that I am a mix of the type 2/7/4 empathetic/adventurous/wounded …makes sense and I love people who are a mix of 8/7/2 achiever/adventurous/helper and a bit of type 3 performer….

The overview of all this is that everyone is a unique mix of all these aspects, my Heart is looking for someone to fall deeply in a unconditional, empathetic, caring, considerate, and true love…and my Soul is looking for someone to do anything and everything with at any moment, to have fun and smile with…and my Mind is looking for someone to talk to, to match wits, to teach me, to learn from me, to trust, and play music with…someone who needs me as much as I need her, someone independent and committed to team Us…and shares my core values…

So I have standards…I know what I like, my "Love map"…the shity part is that it takes time to figure someone out…women don’t have their personality labeled on them…that would be funny…so I have to date…it has been over 4 weeks since I was dumped…technically its ok to start dating again…my heart is still a bit hurt, and I don’t know if I can handle failing at love again so soon…but I need to get laid, and I miss having a girlfriend…i think I will just see what happens…

“Discovering their identity is paramount to the negotiator” from the book….hahahaha heard this as I write about trying to figure myself out.

Tired of the bull shit

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we are different in all the right ways.

I want to know what u r thinking....about everything...work, friends, family, love...I want to be there when u get home...to rub ur feet and listen to how yer day went....to cook u dinner and share a night cap...I found who I am...finally after almost 35 yrs I know exactly what I do best....and I accept that...I am not a manly man...and I will find a strong woman who loves that about me...according to the book only 9% of women are directors....do u know what that means....finding someone like that is rare....that is why I didn't understand...u were my first...the next will be my last...I have learned and won't fuck it up again.

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i feel mentaly played out...

I woke up this morning with my lez friends making out next to me in my bed...not what I expected from last night...I am drinking mimosas with my friends now...I hope this 4th kicks ass...I am acting out against not leaving tomorrow...I should be extatic about my pending trip...looking forward to my birthday...instead I am drowning my sarrows on my day off...

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From a happy time

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more on this later...

I am not much for drinking tonight....also not much for love...or sex....why don't people ask for what they want or go after it or choose to suffer over some bull shit...it turns me on when someone knows what they want and they do what they want...but not without giving back.......
Then again its not always that easy...I need to accept the things I can't have and need to stop wanting it....or

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Que honda snygging...

my mind has ran out of words....I have thought it all out through n through...this isn't my choice.

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